He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
