At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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