I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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