I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
