like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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