I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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