i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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