I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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