you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
