Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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