Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
