OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
