return my video game
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
