So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
