He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
