doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
