i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We were destined to go to rehab together
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
