I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize