How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Randomize
