just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
