Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
