You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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