don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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