The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
P.S. I can't hear my feet
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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