Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
