at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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