"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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