i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
