1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
