You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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