youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
