i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
