she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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