So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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