The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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