i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize