margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
