I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
