I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
