maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
