You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
