checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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