feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
