whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
