Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think people are normalizing furries
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
