he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
