god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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