So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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