So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
