My friends, they love my intelligence
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
