i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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