That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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