just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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