Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
