barbara walters just said penis...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
