btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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