Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think my moral compass just broke
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
