If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize