And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
