I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i will never coherently bang her
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
