I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize