So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
