About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
