Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
