i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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