Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
