my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
