my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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