i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize