You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
