my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize