woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
they're like a gay fantastic four
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
