Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
