K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
