he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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