This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
