every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
