I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
