There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
