peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
