dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
