He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
