I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
