LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
